CAT Scan Success (Unbelievable!), Reveals Possible Hematoma

So my CAT scan last night turned out not to be a total waste of my poor, now-irradiated sperm. My dad and I almost excreted skepticism from our very pores that the scan would show anything, because no test thus far had been remotely successful in helping us learn what was causing my fever:

• swabs of my left leg’s infection were either lost in the microbiology lab or came back with culture growths of skin contamination instead of infection, meaning that shoving that giant Q-tip about an inch into a gaping crevice in my leg was for naught.
• blood cultures have successfully informed us that I don’t have Hepatitis A, B, or C; HIV; or Cytomegalovirus, a minor blood virus that I could have acquired from my many blood transfusions (and that’s only a probably, since their ability to test for it is pretty unreliable, the doctors here tell me) – all of which is good news, but none of which is helping me conquer this fever
• Another, fever-unrelated source of skepticism: other blood samples have shown that my bone marrow is definitely producing new blood, but my hemoglobin (red blood cell) count has barely moved up, and has in fact had a couple of dips downward. Big Mystery!

But what the CAT scan reveled, is that I have a massive swelling on my right hip. Now, I’ve noticed this swelling for about a week; told a couple nurses about it; made jokes about it with my limited visitors; and was even told by the out-patient rehab doctor that I’m incorrectly wearing my shrinker (a giant sock that tapers my legs by squeezing out the swelling) which was sending the edema (the fluid in the swelling) to my hips. That doctor appears to be wrong.

This swelling is not edema, which is just plasma and a water solvent, but a sizable quantity of blood. I have a “hematoma,” where a blood vessel popped due to the surgery and invited all its bloody buddies to come join it. So, first: screw you, annoying rehab doctor!! I know how to wear my stupid leg-sock just fine. It’s a fucking sock. I have some experience with them. Just because I don’t have feet anymore doesn’t mean I forgot how to put on fucking socks.

Anyways, such a large collection of blood inevitability invites inflammatory proteins to help correct it. They pretty much have a sweet party in my giant blood sack, which gets the rest of my body highly jealous because its sure as heck not having any fun in this hospital bed, so my whole body tries to party with the inflammatory proteins and, whoop, I get a fever.

The hematoma also explains why my hemoglobin count has been so down for so long – all my new blood has been going into my hip instead of my veins. My body is retarded. That is not where my new blood needs to go, Body. I was hoping you knew that already. I can’t believe we have to turn this into a Teaching Moment

So the question now is, INFECTION?! There might be an infection somewhere in all that nastiness. If my doctors stick it with a needle to check, they’re going to introduce a holy butt-ton of new bacteria to my pool of blood and will likely cause an infection themselves. So, they’re relying on radiology right now to see if my CAT scan can be read well enough to confirm whether I have an infection in there or not. They’re also not 100% sure if my hip is filled with blood alone (it might be pus, which indicates infection, or red Kool Aid, which indicates OH YEAH) – radiology needs to confirm that, too.

But they’re pretty sure. Medicine, it seems, is not an exact science.